she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm both gender and math confused
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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