If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just pee around me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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