i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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