I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
