i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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