The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
