can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
