While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Alive.
So much puke
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
