yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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