so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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