im about as happy as oj after his trial
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
