Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
