So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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