His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
