The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
