if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
