im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
