I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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