two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
