I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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