You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
