Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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