I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
