She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
