conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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