i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
