i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
