you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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