If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
