Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
