I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
