I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
