Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
