Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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