I wannas sexs uuuuu
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
