If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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