saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
