Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize