we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize