I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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