I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
