I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
where am i from again
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
