Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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