i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
