He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
