I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
