she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My cat gives me a boner
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
