mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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