**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
