he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
