You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
