We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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