She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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