my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
