We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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