I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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