the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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