He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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