If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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