I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
3pm strippers are depressing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
