I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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