No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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