I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
