dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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