i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
