I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
