Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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