It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
