guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
