My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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