life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
