just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
