my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
