Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
