she's into porn, im staying here tonight
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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